When someone dies there are a number of complex practical things to sort out, alongside all the emotions which you may feel. This handout is to guide you through some of the complexities associated with organising a funeral or a burial at St Catherine's, St John's, St Michael's or St Paul's.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have questions or wish to talk to me. I can be contacted at the Vicarage:-

Anne Baker
Rector
Eskdale Benefice
Tel. 019467 23242

General

Sometimes the person who has died has left instructions about what they want at their funeral. Of course it is important to honour these as far as possible, though you should not feel anxious or guilty if for some good reason this does not work out. The person who has died would not want to dictate in a hurtful way to us, just as we would not want to dictate to those who come after us.

Funeral or Cremation

An early, practical, consideration is whether the deceased person is to be buried or to be cremated.
If the deceased person was resident in the parish, on the electoral roll of the local church parish or had obtained a special agreement to be buried locally ( this agreement is known as a 'Faculty') then a Funeral service followed by burial would be possible.
If, on the other hand, the deceased wished to be cremated it would be possible to hold the Funeral service either in Church or at the Crematorium and the ashes can be then be buried in the consecrated area of the Churchyard. Anne Baker will be able to explain what is, and what is not, possible.

Hymns

When choosing hymns for the funeral service, do remember the difficulty of having hymns which no-one knows. Sometimes it may be impossible to locate a half-remembered hymn, but clergy and organists usually know a wide range and will be able to help. You may need to check about the tune - many hymns have more than one.
Typically a funeral in Church will have two or three hymns but there is no rule about the number.
A funeral is of course a sad occasion for those who are left, but a Christian funeral is also founded on the hope of the Resurrection - so it may be appropriate to have an Easter hymn amongst those you choose.

Music

We are able to play recorded music in our Churches. Our organists have a good repertoire - so if you would like a particular piece of music, do please ask - but if you have nothing particular in mind, our organists will play something appropriate.

Readings

We always have a Bible reading You may also want a non-Biblical reading - perhaps some poetry or something like that - the vicar, Anne Baker, willbe able to help you choose both hymns and readings that are suitable forboth you and the person who has died. Sometimes a family member may like to do a reading or even write a poem - and even if they need to stop and collect themselves in the middle of reading, there is no problem.

Eulogies

Sometimes a family member or close friend may wish to, or be prepared to,do a Eulogy; or they may write something which the Vicar can read. But in any case, the vicar,Anne Baker, will always preach a brief address to talkabout the hope of the Resurrection, and the promise of God's love.

Style

Some funerals are very elaborate, others are very simple. Our experienceis that often the plainest funerals, with some silence to allow those who mourn to be still and quiet together in God's presence, can be the mostmemorable and helpful.

Collection

Strictly, all collections taken in Church must be for the Church - whichis of course a charity; however, sometimes families would like donationsto go to an appropriate Charity and many Churches have a policy ofallowing, as a concession, that the collection in Church be split betweena nominated Charity and the Church. Please ask
the Vicar about this. An alternative is for donations to be sent via the Funeral Director.

Prayers
Here are two prayers which you may find personally helpful:
God our Father, you know our thoughts and share our sorrows.
Lead us out of desolation to the caring comfort of your love.
When we forget what happiness is, renew in us fresh springs of hope.
When we feel bereft of peace, restore our hearts and calm our fears.
And when we come at last to our departing, bring us home with you for
ever, the family of God complete; through Jesus Christ our Lord.Amen.

Lord, it is night. The night is for stillness. Let us be still in
your presence, O God. It is night after a long day. What has been
done, has been done; what has not been done has not been done; let it
be. The night is dark. Let our fears of the darkness of the world
and of our own lives rest in you.
The night is quiet. Let the quietness of your peace enfold us, all
dear to us, and all who have no peace. The night heralds the dawn.
Give us hope that we shall see a new day in Christ. Amen.

Feelings

Bereavement is one of the most difficult things we ever face. Our feelings can be a confusing mixture of shock, guilt, anger, pain (which can feel as bad as physical pain), loss… Many bereaved people experience as much as a year of low health - colds, aches and pains, stomach upsets… Some people feel that they can't remember things, or that they can't be bothered with anything. Some worry because they think that they have seen or heard the person who has died (this is because we are looking for thatperson so hard that our sight and hearing almost play tricks). We lose our sense of perspective - one minute we are wondering how we can cope with the next few hours, the next we are wondering what to do about something a year away. And everyone asks, "how long will this last?" to which there is no answer - except that it never goes away, but we learn to live with the loss, and eventually routine and normality do re-assert
themselves.

Help and Support

All of these reactions are normal - and indeed natural; what else would one expect to feel? However, sometimes these feelings can be too much for us and we need to look for help.
Our GPs are one route to help and support. Friends are another; don't be afraid to talk to them - they will be happy to listen to you as you would be happy to listen to them. The Vicar and the Church will also be there for you; clergy often try to visit a few weeks after a funeral. For those not directly and intimately connected to the person who died, life gets back to its normal busyness all too quickly - but they do care, and they may be waiting for you to say you want something.

Some helpful contact details for national organisations:

In conclusion
Anne Baker

Anne Baker Rector Eskdale Benefice Tel. 019467 23242